Post soundtrack: Superwoman by Alicia Keys
I was never a good ball player, in fact I would usually be the last one picked when it came to ball games. When it comes to the ball game of life, I have been thrown many curve-balls over the years.
Some have been good, some have been bad. All I know is that they completely disrupted the way I thought I was heading.
I sit here in my old bedroom at my parents house. I never thought at 33 I would be moving back to my parents, but it’s only temporary. I will move on to somewhere else.
I don’t know if the longer you are in the game of life, the better you get at those unexpected curve-balls. I do know I have grown tremendously, then some parts of me remains that insecure little girl who thinks she will fail at everything. When the truth is, the little girl rejects to see her accomplishments. It’s so easy to get stuck in fear and doubt.
I often find myself not proud of some of my actions, yet I keep repeating them, it’s one of those things I will never understand. As much as I try to improve in certain areas, sometimes you just feel you can’t rise above anything. As a woman that is important to me. To rise above myself.
Life guarantees you that you will be making major decisions, every now and then you are given the chance to do something of big change and you know it will affect your whole way of living. I’m at that point, when I want something and I’m fully in, there is no room for doubt. Still I can’t help but feel that I will fail. That is quite a sad way of thinking really. . .
Because I know if we have no doubt, work fucking hard, you will not fail.