Post soundtrack: Don’t you want me by The human league
In most people life’s there will come a time where you have to face one of the most trying and challenging tasks ever.
To find a job.
It is so difficult to keep the spirit going when you constantly are met with rejection. Cover letter after cover letter to jobs you are confident you will get a call back, only to be met with rejection. Rejection which is the one thing you just have to learn to live with. I have questioned myself so much in the past 5 months while searching for a new profession. It is so defeating to the soul when you just can’t seem to catch a break. I just feel like screaming at people who condescendingly judge by saying
”You are not trying hard enough.”
Worse is the people who say
“Why don’t you just do *Insert some job here*”
Though I do welcome tips, as I am loosing sight of what goal I have.
The frustration it builds up inside is pure toxic.
There have been days I just couldn’t handle any more rejections, that I just sink into a hole of self doubt and paranoia. I can actually convince myself that everyone is turning their backs on me and all my friends have abandoned me. As you can see, one area can span into a whole shitstorm of emotional paranoia clusters. I have issues, but that’s a whole other story.
It’s hard when you are doing one thing on the side, trying to build your own brand. But you still need to make an income somehow. This is the area most people suffer with I believe. They want to chase their dreams. I just don’t have all the resources I would like to do my own thing. Sadly that’s how the world works.
I have applied for jobs at companies I worked at before, but different country. I have applied for positions I have expertise and actually done for years. Then not even get a interview callback, it has crushed me. But because this is how life is, I can’t be too crushed because I need to move on. Yet it creates a monster voice in your head.
No one wants you.
You don’t know the right people.
You are not relevant.
You are a has been.
Looking for a job also means you probably are in tight spot financially, having to say no to lunches and dinners because it blows out your tight budget. It makes me feel low about myself.
I have applied for jobs working in a shop and I don’t even get a call back.This is not healthy, I’m spiraling. Everyday the bed calls my name, asking me to get back in and hide. A place where nothing will get solved, and wont help anyone. Except I feel safe.I’m usually a very strong woman, but these days I am so frail to any critique. It’s scaring the shit out of me. I’m not nice to be around anymore, and it’s very sad seeing yourself slip away. At this point I think I managed to destroy all confidence I used to have. All I see everywhere is failure within myself.