So different now from what it seemed. Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

Post Soundtrack: I dreamed a dream by Anne Hathaway Seriously you need to hear this version

I have to admit, I have never seen the musical Les miserablesss ( Must be pronounced in very highly French accent) I have no idea what it´s about. I think it´s about the French revolution, poverty, and what I gather from the movie trailer is that Anne Hathaway has to shave her head. So I will go see the movie version.

But I have in fact heard many versions of I dreamed a dream, and in my opinion no one compares to her performance. It is saw raw and painfully heartfelt.  It´s the voice I wish I had right now to sing. I miss singing, I am going to face the stage again this year. For the first time the lyrics of that song spoke to me.

sidenote.

I also want new tits, so if anyone wants to donate me 55.000 baht (1800$) (1167gbp) i get a discount.  that will make me happy. I´m reinventing myself. I´ll take it as a birthday gift, surely there are some rich people around that can feel sympathy for the crap I been through.  I just wanted to throw that out in the ether, I just want some happiness. YES  I am 33 and I would like to stop wearing push up bras, I have great tits anyway, and I know they look great when enhanced. So really I will happily take donations.  Maybe I should set up a pay pal account.  It´s my birthday wish. Mr.B.K I know I will get an email from you on do not cut yourself open. But really, I just want me some breasts. It would look so good on me and I would feel so great, and I need to feel great. And bullshit to the whole ^you are great anyway^you can shove that up my ass. I wanted boobies for 12 years, Its time. But can´t afford it with all the bills Im paying at the moment.  I am going to set up a pay pal donation button.

Back to the story

Back to Les Miserabblleees I can´t stop listening to it and sobbing. Im in q sobbing kind of mood. Like I previously have mentioned I have buried and completely perished he-who-shall-not-be-named forever from my life.  It is a very hard process, but it´s something I have to do.

When it comes to me there are thresholds if trust that cannot be crossed, this was the last person I ever thought would disappoint me, when I was the greatest defender.  I have said bye to a life I imagined and erased it all.  I´m a forgiving person, but for something as big as this, for it ever to better again, it has to be earned, won and truly be a challenged. So I am at juncture where I find myself in sudden sorts in the day when I realize I will never have my friend back, I just can’t. It can never be, and that’s quite sad. I can’t talk to that person, because I´m worth more that this.

I know I am such a wonderful person, with so much to give, even though I can be emotional. I feel anyone who gets to have me gets a real package of a woman of what men are looking for who can laugh at anything, swear like a mother fucker, act like a lady, loves a bit of adventure, gets up to trouble, can cook up a storm, host a party and great listener, good mummy material and gives it to you straight. I know geeky things, into sci´fi, nerdy. And face it Im fucking awesome and sexy, yup Im the perfect woman.

So I´ll make sure from now on that is appreciated and not taken for granted,