It makes me just feel like crying. ‘Cause baby, something beautiful’s dying

Post Soundtrack: You’ve lost that loving feeling by Righteous brothers

Valentines, the one day we give candy to the one person we don’t want to get fat.

Or for the single ones, sit home and feed ourselves chocolates.

Many people say Valentine’s day is such a fuzzed up day, I actually always loved it.  All in all I have only got to celebrate 4 Valentine’s in my life. Well 5, but according to my friend it doesn’t count because I can’t remember it.

I’m not gonna be one of those people who say fuck Valentines, it’s bullshit, yada yada and be bitter because I don’t have a special someone to celebrate with.  Like I said, I really love Valentine’s day.  So I’m more jealous and sad than anything.  I really wish I had someone I really loved to celebrate it with.

My first Valentine was in 1995, I was taken to a fun park that was in the city.  I remember eating cotton candy, running through ghost houses and going on the ferris-wheel with my teenage sweetheart.  It was super cute, perfect for a teenager.

Then for years, nothing.

The one I had in 2003 I can hardly remember, because the person I was with I treated so badly as I was recovering from a very long abusive relationship.  This poor man became my scapegoat and I took it all out on him from what had happened to me.  I think I even shouted at him at Valentine’s.

For yeeeaaaars nothing.

I wouldn’t get to celebrate Valentine’s again before 2010.

It was perfect.  My living room was transformed into a fort. I loved that one more than anything.  2011 I was taken to a very lovely and nice dinner.

2012 I ruined everything, I was supposed to get a surprise breakfast, but I somehow did it before.  I thought I would be taken to dinner.  When I wasn’t taken to dinner that night I remember being really upset.  I thought I had hinted it.  I did end up eating dinner down the road.  Not knowing that would be my last Valentine’s.  I think I spoiled it.

The reason I came to really appreciate Valentine’s is when you are in a long-term relationship, you forget sometimes to actually be boyfriend, girlfriend.  I always thought Valentine’s day is a great day for couples to be reminded of that, which can be lost for people who live together.  I remember already having planned what to do this year, I always loved doing that. Planning, surprising, buying gifts and putting thought into what I would do and give to people.  It’s one of my favorite things to do.  I don’t like buying presents just because you can, I need to search for the perfect thing.  It has to be perfect.

Anyway, it’s no surprise that today is a tough for people whose hearts are healing. Everywhere you look, hearts, roses is in your face.  So as a consolation I’m being taken out as a third wheeler date.  My friends are lovely, they don’t want me to be alone as they know I will be sensitive today. Still, I think my mind will be a bit all over the place today.

I should have let you make breakfast.

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