Post Soundtrack: Dig by INCUBUS
Women are evil creatures. We are so more sensitive than men, and we are almost programmed with insecurities from the minute you start to comprehend the world as a child. As these insecurities grow their roots and manifests into our psyche, it usually triggers behaviours that brings out the worst in women. Worst part, we can’t help it,
insecurities are usually bestowed upon us as children and it’s hard to know what will be the trigger that will live with you.
My insecurity was always feeling not being good enough for anyone, be worthy of love and being left behind. Which I work on everyday.
This post I want to dedicate to a woman I have hurt in the past.
I said 2013 is the year I turn around, and I really want to cleanse my karma and do good for all the wrong doings I done in my life. She was number one top of my list, I always felt guilt. What happened to me 2 weeks ago reminded me how malicious women can actually be. How when they high-five behind the boys back when achieving me to tears, that this is the part the men will never see.
You men will NEVER have any idea how cruel us women can get towards each other when it comes to plotting. We don’t fight, we plot and plant seeds, every detail is planned. Everything! Oh, do I have stories that go on from every single one of my friends to myself, trust me, women and revenge, they serve it very cold and take great satisfaction, then play the victim. The classic tale of all. If a girl tells you she never has, that is a straight up lie, especially if she is Asian, Oh, and if she is Thai, we live for plotting.
After I was extremely hurt two weeks ago, I decided I never want to be like that woman, I never want to be a woman who does that to someone’s heart. It is just too cruel. So I wrote a letter to a beautiful and bright woman who I myself admit was very cruel towards and thrived on that I had won a few years ago, and probably shoved my happiness in her face a bit too much. I sure was insecure about myself, still am and I sure did not help her either, I despise myself for that now, that I was responsible for doing that to someone else in such a careless way, I really do.
I asked if she could ever forgive me for causing her tears, for the mean things and any pain or sorrow I have caused towards her. I bow down and take all responsibility and admit, I was weak, I was a bitch, I would hate me too, I was insecure, I felt I had won, I thrived on it. It’s just so wrong. I’m happy I got to make peace with her, but I’m sad how I came to that realization, that I too had been that kind of woman once.
But no more.
Thank you for forgiving me, and knowing you are in a happy place now. I probably got karma from what I did towards you. I have no idea if you read this, I know you used to and I didn’t say any nice things. I was a mean girl. I wish you nothing but happiness and love now.
When it comes to The thing, which I have come to call her, I am not angry with her either, she did hurt me very much. I know nothing about her, for all I know she could be nice, but she did not behave considerate. This thing I’m having issues with has nothing to do with her, but I admit I am still a girl and I love gossiping about her with friends and if she in fact is a man or not, (Ok that’s cruel) No seriously everyone asks me that. Gossip is gossip, I am sure she felt the need to mark her territory, she has issues too and has not grown into the place where I have now come in my life. I thought her behaviour was not a way how a true woman should behave with respect to another. One day she will learn as well, that is life.
I mentioned in yesterday’s post, we are all fragile. I always hear people talk about the measure of a man. But whats the quality of a true woman?What makes a woman beautiful?
It’s not about her looks, sex appeal, if she can dance, cook, is a wildcat in bed, has tits the size of melons. Anyone can achieve that if they want,
I think to me a true woman; a lady, is one of compassion, grace, strength with the ability to forgive and have the courage to face their insecurities, which all women have. Try not to judge but have the ability to admit when they are wrong. Learn to talk and not shout, to give a sincere apology. Stands up for herself and for others, protects, sacrifices. Is calm in a storm, your greatest protector. Then she giggles when she sees a funny cat on youtube.
I’m still learning to become the woman I always wanted to be and I can admire myself.