Post Soundtrack: Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd
It’s such a liberating feeling when you can finally stand on your own feet again. For the longest time I fell to the floor, like a pathetic weak excuse. I didn’t have enough willpower to get up. I refused to get up.
It took time to get strength to attempt to get up.
Like Bambi on ice I slowly got up with the support of the wonderful people around me. Now I’m standing on my two feet again, looking down and shaking my head, who the hell was that girl on the floor? That girl is not me, nope certainly not me, that girl was under some spell, that got broken. I also put a neck brace on myself for now, you know since I was down and injured for so long, so now I cannot look back at all, and it feels wonderful.
I’m walking forward now step by step and I´going to keep going in that direction. Now that I´m up on my feet, sturdy and can finally have a view of the whole thing. Step back and really have a good look, for the first time I can see the whole picture, and true colors of the people in my life. One thing I realized that I will never take for granted anymore, is how loved I am by my wonderful friends all over the world. Or even in this little city, the people that makes me promise to call them when I get to home to make sure I´m safe. I´m cared for, I´m loved by my friends, because I love them back and they all know I would be there for them for anything. It´s a wonderful feeling I have chosen to carry with me.
I was at my puzzle doctor today, the shrink who is trying to set my life on the right track. He is amazing, It´s important you have good chemistry with your puzzle doctor. All though, I do think he finds my humor quite odd at times. I laugh at him. I now have this little book I carry with me everywhere , it´s homework I have to work on, it´s baby steps. But it´s so funny to see how the slightest little change can make such a huge difference. I´ve already done many of the tasks today and I feel great, to see the changes. I´m becoming me again, like I said I lost myself, and she is finding her way back and I´m gonna become a woman of inspiration.
Now shockingly for once, I´m not going to reveal what my biggest struggle is. I feel that something I need to work with my puzzle Dr first. Also because it will surprise to most of you what it is, in time I will reveal it. I promise it´s one those you didn´t see that one coming.
After my session with the puzzle doctor, who by the way thinks writing is a obvious passion for me. I told him I wanted to find something I was dedicated to, a hobby of sorts. So he said I spoke so passionate about blogging. And maybe a little part I lost of myself was when I stopped blogging 2 years ago.
I got to think about rules/codes or whatever you call it that you go by in life. What rules do I really have? I realized I don´t have many… just the basics
- Always be on time. I have serious issues with time.
- Do not condescend or think you know better than everyone else.
- Admit when you done wrong
- Take responsibility for you actions
- Never do anal until he says I love you.
- Say it to my face. People think I gossip, but I´m quite honest and most of the things I say I would say straight to you face as well.
- Don´t ever get on my shit list. I make it very clear when I don´t like someone. That´s when I´m a bitch, it takes allot to get on my shit list but when you get there, it´s hard to get out. Only one has made it out of my shit list. I still ignore the rest. Always have a shit-list
- Do not lie or cheat a friend
- Never ass to mouth or ass to hoo-ha
- Try and spread as much happiness as you can (working on this one to come back)
Fuck, I really need to write a new list of codes, values and all that jingles… coz this was just not that exciting or inspiring. But ladies, I´m serious about that anal stuff. That ole rusty wagon wheel shud be treated with love.
I really didnt have a soundtrack in mind for today, but it just happens or maybe its fate because right now on my ipod is Lynyrd Skynyrd and free bird. now THAT´S a big fucking sign.